Dear Jody,
I'm sorry that you're feeling out of things now your best mate has a new boyfriend. This has had an impact on your life and you're understandably not comfortable with it. But what to do? Lots of girls are so carried away when they first get a boyfriend that they tend to put their female friends to one side. This is not only thoughtless and painful for the female friends. It's also bad planning, because what's going to happen if your mate and this lad split up? (After all, few people stay with the boy or girlfriend they had at 14.) She'll be wanting the consolation of her female friends, won't she? The ones she's sidelined? I'm glad you want your mate to be happy. However, you're entitled to talk to her politely about this at some stage when you do see her on her own. You could say something like, I'm glad you're happy with X, but when you don't spend time with me I feel hurt and annoyed, so are you willing to ... and then make a date with her just to hang out as girls together.

Of course she may well not be ready for this just yet as she's currently finding so much excitement in her new romance. You are entitled to feel angry at her actions (it would be odd if you weren't!), so if you need to loosen your ties to her, your anger can tell you that it's not because there's anything wrong with you. There isn't! You don't have to be unkind but don't you deserve more loyalty in a best mate? This is also your chance to start widening your own social circles. And when you have a boyfriend, you won't be thoughtless and inconsiderate, will you? I am sorry that you, like so many other girls, have had to go through this. It's not a situation of your timing so please don't blame yourself.

Vicki